Pizza is healthy. And it isn’t healthy. Depending on the type of crust, the amount of cheese and the toppings used, pizza can rank anywhere from nutritionally decent to a diet disaster. Even healthy pizzas deliver a good amount of sodium from tomato sauce and cheese, so if you are watching your salt intake, you should eat with caution. Of course, the size of the slice and the number of slices you eat count, too. Pizza pros include the fact that it offers calcium from cheese and disease-fighting lycopene from tomatoes. And pizza crust made with whole-wheat flour (including whole white wheat flour) is healthier than regular white crust, as it offers whole grains and fiber and is digested more slowly than refined grains. But what you put on your pizza can significantly impact its nutritional value. Toppings such pepperoni, sausage and extra cheese can boost saturated fat, sodium and calories, while slices made with thinner crusts and topped with veggies tend to have lower calorie, saturated fat and sodium counts. Highlights Pizza offers calcium from cheese and disease-fighting lycopene from tomatoes Pepperoni, sausage and extra cheese can boost a pizza’s saturated fat, sodium and calories For example, a large slice of Pizza Hut’s Thin ‘N Crispy Veggie Lovers pizza has 240 calories, 4 grams of saturated fat and 710 milligrams of sodium. But a large slice of the chain’s Meat Lovers pan pizza with pepperoni, sausage, ham, bacon, pork and beef has 480 calories, 10 grams of saturated fat and 1,180 milligrams of sodium. Frozen pizzas can be a convenient dinner, but they too can vary in terms of ingredients and nutritional value, especially with sodium counts, so it’s important to read labels carefully (some contain small amounts of trans fats, too). Dairy-free and gluten-free pizzas are available, but as with their traditional counterparts, their healthfulness varies. When it comes to kids and pizza, one recent study concluded that pizza consumption among children and adolescents was associated with a higher daily calorie intake and higher intakes of saturated fat and sodium. The study also found that pizza eaten as a snack or from fast-food restaurants had the greatest negative impact on calorie intake. Pizza consumed in schools did not significantly affect children’s calorie intake, probably because it may not be that nutritionally different from other school entrees, according to study authors. If you enjoy pizza on a regular basis, try making it at home using healthier ingredients, such as whole-wheat English muffins, part-skim mozzarella cheese and tomato sauce without added salt. And don’t forget to top it with lots of vegetables; the more colorful your pizza, the better!
Sex before marriage is something that Christians abhors and the bible undeniably condemns adultery and sexual immorality.
1 Corinthians 7:2 clearly includes sex before marriage in the definition of sexual immorality and condemn sex before marriage as sinful.
However, Apostle Dr. Owusu Kwakye has advocated for sex before marriage.
The Founder and General Overseer of Christ Powerful Church, referred to instances where tests are carried before one does something.
According to him, sex before marriage has sustained the marriages of unbelievers yet Christians who abhors sex before marriage, are divorcing because of bad sexual lifestyle in marriage.
“Having sex before marriage is no big deal but some pastors have made it sinful. I see all of them as hypocrites,” he said.
He described as “hypocrisy and double standards” the caveat put on couples getting ready for marriage by pastors in the name of staying holy.
In his view, the beliefs Christians hold have affected marriages because of the Church.
‘’We have destroyed marriages. We have destroyed marriages with the bible and the Church…Don’t you taste the soup to check the level of salt in it before eating? Even if you will not have sex, inspect his manhood to see if you can take it.
According to Apostle Dr. Owusu Kwakye, couples who want to marry must be sure they are sexually compatible before they tie the knot.
But Ghanaian acclaimed marriage counsellor, Reverend George Lutterodt disagreed with the Apostle.
According to him, it is not biblical and a man of his caliber should not lead such an advocacy.
He blamed the church and lack of sex education to challenges in Christian marriages today.
When Nyankonton Mu Nsem hit the streets to sample the opinion of the public, majority of them were against sex before marriage.
Others however raised concerns about trust as one of the major challenge confronting would be couple to have sex before marriage.
‘’Ghana has changed but as a woman when you met a man who propose marriage, you should be joined in holy matrimony before having sex,’’ a woman said.
Another contributor said, ‘’You should not have sex before marriage and any man who demands sex from a lady before marriage have no good intention and will break up with you after satisfying his sexual desire.’’
One lady shared an experience where a lady married a guy only to find out later that, he was impotent but was unable to divorce him because of her Christian belief.
The Head Pastor of the Perez Chapel Kings Temple, Tamale in the Northern Region Rev Joshua Mogre has advised Ghanaian youth specifically the men to ignore and move on with their lives if after three weeks or a month, a lady still fail to accept his proposal to be in a relation.
Speaking at the 2017 edition of single and married conference in Tamale, the man of god explained that, if a man proposes to a lady and in about two weeks there is still no response from the lady, it is obvious that the lady is not interested in the man and therefore, the guy man must ignore and move on.
He said, the era where it takes three months and above to accept a man’s proposal is past and in these modern days, a moment after the proposal to two weeks and latest by a month, the response must be given.
“The time where we used to stretch men to prove love is past and gone, if you are a woman and your assumption is to stretch the man for three months, there is another woman waiting for that opportunity”
He cited that in the case of some ladies, by the time the proposal is made, they would already provide the man with an answer.
Rev Joshua Mogre has however advised that, it should not take too long, and it should not take too short to accept a proposal from a man.
“You don’t do it too quickly and you don’t also take too long to accept a proposal,” he added.
By: Prince Kwame Tamakloe
A couple of months ago he was the most powerful man in the country, followed everywhere he went by a retinue of aides and a jostling pack of news-hungry reporters and cameramen.
Today David Cameron is a 49-year-old at a loose end, snapped this week sitting barefoot on a car-park wall in Cornwall, eating fish and chips and staring abstractedly into the middle distance Eating with him is a woman presumed to be his wife (though her face is obscured by somebody’s back), while three apparent strangers sit slap beside the couple, seemingly unaware that they are just inches away from the man who was so recently the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom.
Doesn’t that photograph, taken by a passer-by on Tuesday evening, speak more than words can say about the drama of this summer, the instantaneous changes of fortune we witnessed after the referendum and the sheer ruthlessness of our political system?
Entourage No doubt police bodyguards were keeping a discreet eye on the Camerons as they ate their fish and chips in Polzeath.
It’s also possible that the three women sitting with them on the wall may have recognised the couple.
But if so, they were either too courteous to show any sign of it — or else they were remarkably unimpressed. Looking at this photograph, I can’t say I’m surprised. Indeed, it has set me thinking that if there really is such a thing as an aura of power — and I’m inclined to believe there is — Mr Cameron appears to have left his behind in Downing Street when the removal men took his other possessions away. Of course, it may be foolish to read too much into a single image, snapped when the sitter wasn’t expecting it. But to me, Mr Cameron looks diminished and deflated, a shadow of his former self — if not in girth, then at least in the sense of authority and self-confidence he exuded when he held the reins of government. This has nothing to do with his bare feet or the holiday outfit he’s wearing — the shorts and the zipped-up fleece. Indeed, we’ve seen him similarly attired, and in the same Polzeath location, many times before.
We’ve also seen him, in all those carefully staged photo-opportunities of the past, with his entourage kept out of camera-shot.
The difference is that from the moment he walked into Number 10, he looked like a Prime Minister — even when he was dressed for a holiday photoshoot like a complete wally.
There was something about his demeanour and strong physical presence that said here was a leader, at ease with himself, used to being listened to and getting his way. Indeed, it was one of his strengths as PM that he looked the part. In this, he differed from some of his predecessors, who always looked and sounded as if they had been miscast for the top job. Sir John Major springs to mind. Even after more than six years in Downing Street, he retained the air of a middle-ranking local government officer, while Gordon Brown appeared more like an eccentric, irascible schoolmaster than a head of government. Meanwhile, other former prime ministers kept their air of authority long after they left office. Margaret Thatcher, I can testify, was quite as formidable a character after she was knifed by her colleagues as before. And although it grieves me to say it, even the egregious, self-deluding Tony Blair still gives off a certain aura — albeit mixed with a powerful whiff of sulphur. Of course, you’d be more likely to find him digging into the caviar on a crooked oligarch’s yacht than sitting on the wall of a Cornish car park, eating chips. But wherever Mr Blair happens to be, you can be sure he is noticed by everyone around him. Not so Mr Cameron. Whatever intangible quality of leadership he may have possessed until a couple of months ago seems to have disappeared along with the trappings of his office.
Pride And though he hummed a nonchalant tune as he turned away from the lectern after announcing his resignation, I’ll bet he’s missing the job — and everything that goes with it — far, far more than his pride will allow him to admit. On June 23 he went to bed, recently re-elected with an overall majority and no opposition worthy of the name, looking forward to four years in which to stamp the name Cameron indelibly on the history books. But when he woke up the next morning, he was finished — washed up at 49, with only a couple of bodyguards to remind him that once he was a power in the land. How could he feel anything but bitterly frustrated, after the suddenness of his fall, by the near certainty that nothing he can do in the years remaining to him will be anything like as exciting as the life he has lived for the past six?
The amount of time we have available every day is limited. Not every entrepreneur can put in 18-hour days -- personal obligations and family life take up time, making it important that we maximize the time we do have allocated for business.
Here are five time-wasting habits that many entrepreneurs are guilty of. Eliminate these and watch your productivity increase.
1. Trying to do everything yourself.
You have to learn to delegate if you are ever going to be productive. All entrepreneurs are guilty of this at some point, especially in the beginning. You think you can handle everything -- but as tasks and responsibilities stack up the weight on your shoulders becomes unbearable and everything collapses.
One of the best things I did for my company was admitting to myself that there were some things I wasn’t the best at. Delegating those tasks to other people that handled them more efficiently made a significant impact. You can’t do everything yourself, and the sooner you realize this, the better off you will be.
2. Saying ‘Yes’ to everything.
One of the hardest things to do is say no. Personally, it took me a while to learn that it was physically impossible to try to accommodate every request that was presented to me. This circles around to point number one above -- I thought I could do it all. I didn’t want to disappoint anyone. If I received a request for a quick 15-minute chat, I would squeeze it in.
Looking back, all those little requests were time sucks. Instead of worrying about someone saying, “I can’t believe he said no -- what a dick,” I learned to deny opportunities and requests that weren’t going to benefit my company and brand. Learning to value my time has lead to increased productivity, and while it might feel uncomfortable the first couple of times, I promise it becomes much easier after you experience first hand how eliminating time-sucking requests improve your productivity.
3. Waiting for perfection.
Perfection doesn’t exist, and if you sit around waiting for it you’re going to miss the boat. When people are hung up on a task they will often say they are trying to perfect it before moving on to the next one. They are simply procrastinating.
It’s important that you understand perfection is a unicorn you most likely aren’t going to encounter. Imagine if companies such as Uber and Airbnb waited to expand into new markets until they perfected all of the working components of the business. They would still be sitting there wasting time, scratching their heads, waiting for something that wasn’t ever going to happen. Look how fast both companies have grown because they were extremely productive.
4. Allowing distractions to constantly interrupt your day.
Distractions will only interrupt your day if you let them. You have to create a work environment that provides you with some distraction-free time, allowing you to stay 100 percent focused. Every entrepreneur is going to have different distractions to deal with. Here are a few of things I do to eliminate some distractions:
No personal text replies: When I’m working I don’t reply to personal texts. It’s a time suck, but it also tells the other person that your work time isn’t valuable. Just because someone is bored at his or her desk or on a day off, it doesn’t mean you have to entertain them. When you ignore work-time texts and begin to reply to them in the evening when you are done, you will notice your mid-day interruptions will decrease significantly.
Airplane mode: If I’m working on something extremely important that requires complete focus I’ll switch my phone to airplane mode. When I simply silence my phone I still see the notification icons and I’m apt to pick it up and check emails and messages. Airplane mode prevents this and allows me to fully focus.
Block off calendar time: I have specific time blocked off on my calendar every day. When you get into this habit, you know without a doubt that you have a period of time without meetings, conference calls or distractions. This time will quickly become your most productive daily block of time.
5. Constantly refreshing your email inbox.
If you are constantly refreshing your email inbox, you are pissing away valuable time. It can become quite addictive. I suffered from this myself, and had to create a system to check and respond to emails that wouldn’t dig into my productivity.
I check my emails at set times every day and I also have someone screen them. The screening eliminates a lot of wasted time deleting junk, unsolicited requests and spam. When I do jump into my inbox it’s in and out, as I know everything waiting for me requires my attention and I fire back replies and address each one without having to waste time identifying the emails that are important. It’s a habit that isn’t easy to break, but once you do develop a system that works for you, the time saved will be very noticeable.
A lot of people are grinding it out in jobs that make them sick. They are so unhappy or overworked or stressed that work actually makes them physically ill.
There's actually a word for it: Psychoneuroimmunoendocrinology is a field of medicine that deals with the physiological manifestation of psychological stress. In other words, the word describes how stress can really mess up the body. It’s hard to distill an entire field of medicine (not to mention a 13-syllable word) into a single sentence, but that’s it in a nutshell.
Maybe you weren’t familiar with the word psychoneuroimmunoendocrinology before today? (And I swear that that’s the last time I’ll make you read it). But I’d bet that based on your personal experience, you already know a thing or two about the link between stress and health. Am I right? Consider:
Maybe you battle debilitating exhaustion when you think about making major life changes.
Maybe your eczema flares up when you think about applying to grad school.
Maybe you get strep throat like clockwork every time the busy season rolls around and you’re overloaded with too much work. Again.
Maybe your digestive system goes haywire when you think about keeping up with the Joneses at your office.
Maybe, like me, your back goes out every time you push yourself to the limit.
Maybe you should complete the following sentence: I always get sick or injured when I ___
I hear you, my friend. Don’t you think it’s possible that your body is trying to tell you something? Perhaps it’s time you examined the link between your mental and physical health.
Obviously (but I’m going to go ahead and say it anyway), you should see a doctor for any health-related concerns. Please do that. I don’t want an angry letter from someone who thinks I’m suggesting that some deep introspection will heal a bleeding head wound.
Seriously, consider all of the things that are going on with your physical health, especially any recurring issues. Only you and your doctor can determine what might be causing these symptoms. But if you have an unresolved chronic issue, or recurring health issues or multiple health issues, it’s possible that some of that is rooted in some neglected stress. Don’t you think?
Consider what some of your root stressors might be. They may include fear about the future, financial strain, a crappy job, uncertainty, perfectionism, fear of judgment, unhappiness in your relationship, the feeling that you have to "people-please," overanalysis of every situation, overwork or any number of other things.
The question you've got to answer is, what is my body trying to tell me?
Maybe your body knows that you need to quit your job, or start your own business, or reenter the corporate world, or move across the country, or leave your relationship, or have a child, or stop trying so hard to be liked, or slow the heck down, or start your MBA, or quit your MBA and go to film school instead.
Whatever personal insight you glean from your body, resist the urge to push it back down. There’s nothing more painful than realizing an uncomfortable truth and then trying to repress it. That genie won’t go back into the bottle.
Now, knowing what the problem is and knowing how to fix it are two different things. Figuring out the fix will likely take some time. But, if you know exactly how to make that happen, do it. If not, that’s okay.
Now is the time of year when we are all looking ahead with hopeful and determined eyes. “This is going to be my year. This is the year that I become my best self.”
We get to be a little selfish and ask ourselves, “What do I want?”
You might be looking at articles on how to set effective goals. These articles are likely telling you the same thing: Make the goal actionable and achievable. Give yourself a deadline. Reverse engineer the steps it will take to get there.
That's solid advice. However, in the hundreds of articles I’ve seen fly by my screen on this topic, none of them mention a vital element to your goal-creation process.
You’ll read a lot about the when and how of setting your goals. But don’t forget the who.
Arguably, very few goals are accomplished by you and you alone. No person is an island, as the saying goes.
On your journey to success, there are four different types of people you will need. These people are the ones who will aid you in your endeavors. But if you don’t know to look for them, they might just pass you by. So, who are the people who can help you with your personal success?
1. The mentor
As Joseph Cambell famously points out with The Hero’s Journey, all great heroes have a mentor. Luke Skywalker had Yoda. The Karate Kid had Mr. Miyagi. Katniss Everdeen had Haymitch Abernathy.
A mentor is someone who has been there, done that and got the T-shirt. He or she is someone you can turn to, ask questions and get advice. If you want to grow your business, align yourself with someone who has succeeded with a similar business model. If you want to lose weight, you could get a personal trainer or you could reach out to a friend who has already succeeded in his or her weight loss journey.
Identify who has already walked the path you're on. Build or strengthen a relationship with them. Your mentors will help you achieve your goals in less time than it would take to figure it all out on your own.
2. The mark
In my coaching and speeches, I refer to “a mark” as a shorthand way of saying “the person you want to influence.” A mark is the person you want to hear “yes” from. Everyone has marks. Your husband could be your mark while you convince him to take a vacation at a ski resort. Your co-worker could be a mark while you motivate them during a project.
Your mark is the one who can say “yes” and make your dreams come true, or they could say “no” and all efforts could feel lost. For your goals, who do you need to hear "yes" from? A big-name client? An investor? Your co-founder?
Get clear about your mark. How can you make your idea most appealing to him or her?
Related: Try This Exercise in Giving to Grow and Strengthen Your Network
3. The sidekick
We all need sidekicks. Batman is better with Robin (or Alfred, depending on how you look at it). Neo needed Trinity. Doctor Who isn’t himself without a companion. (Am I getting too nerdy for you?)
The point is, we all need someone on the sidelines to cheer us on. But if you haven’t identified who will be your supporter for when you hit the bumps in the road, then you won't know who to turn to when they happen. Identify your sidekicks, reach out to them today and give them appreciation now for being and staying in your corner.
Also, don’t forget to consider sidekick groups. Group settings can be just as empowering. If you’re wanting to lose weight, then become a regular in gym class. If you need to clear out some mental baggage, support groups can be a safe haven for exactly that. If you want to express your artistry, sign up for a weekly painting class.
So who will you bring on your team? Who will keep you accountable?
4. The connector
This is, by far, the most overlooked “who” in the goal-setting process.
You have a goal and you know you need to hear a “yes” from a mark, but you give up when you realize you don’t have direct access to that mark. How can you get a “yes” when you can’t even get a “hello”?
It’s not over yet.
If you run into this realization, then your next question is, “Who do I know who is connected to that person?” Our world is flatter than ever. Our marks are often just a LinkedIn connection away. The connector is the person who can introduce you to your mark. He or she makes the connection so you can make magic happen.
Remember the persuasive process -- observe, connect, influence. In this instance, you will go through the process twice -- once for the connector and once more for mark.
As you create your goals, remember to include the people who will help you on your climb up. Goal setting isn’t a one-person show. Success is always achieved in numbers.
There is a trend I have noticed among people who seek help in marriage and couples’ counseling. Both partners usually have the best of intentions. Both usually want to save the relationship and make it better. But often people end up in marriage counseling because they are engaging in five selfish behaviors which prevent good communication and understanding for each other to take place.
1. During a discussion or argument, thinking more about your rebuttal and less about what your partner has to say.
This is the number one issue I see among couples seeking counseling. Partners will do a fine job of expressing their frustrations, but then become defensive when the other partner begins to talk. They begin forming their defense while the other person is talking thus missing important information their partner is trying to convey. This usually goes back and forth, and I often see that both partners contribute to this barrier to communication by also personalizing (more on this later) and becoming more defensive as emotions escalate. I suggest to my clients to practice listening by paying careful attention to the message their partner is trying to send and repeating back what they are hearing, without any sarcasm or rudeness. It is also sometimes helpful to write down what you hear your partner saying to keep your attention more on his message.
2. Not telling your partner about issues, both individual and in the relationship.
I have yet to meet a human being who can read another’s mind, and your partner is not an exception to this rule. It is selfish to assume that she should know exactly what is wrong and how you want her to help. It may be stress at work, worries about finances or behaviors your partner is engaging in that bother you. The list can be long, and not talking about it will breed resentment and irritation with each other. Often I see couples taking out stresses and irritations on each other. Talking and listening to each other can remedy a lot of what is bothering you.
3. Making assumptions: It’s not always about you!
The flipside to the previous selfish behavior is making assumptions about your partner’s behavior and taking it personally. When human beings experience stress, we tend to react in ways that are not always helpful or nurturing to a relationship. I often see that a partner will be short tempered with her beloved. The beloved then takes these actions personally and becomes irritated or angry. Ideally, the partner experiencing the stress would communicate to his partner (as was outlined in the number 2 behavior). But since none of us is perfect, it may be up to the offended party to bring this behavior to her partner in a way that is gentle and kind, while communicating how this behavior made him or her feel. When doing this, be careful to put assumptions aside. In other words, don’t assume that your partner intended to attack you and had malicious intentions. Instead, remind yourself that he is still the person you chose and the person you love.
4. Worrying about your sexual needs and ignoring the sexual needs of your partner.
Sex is an important part of marriage and an issue that almost always comes up in couples’ counseling. Usually the issues with sex come down to partners having different sex drives, desires and expectations of what is normal and healthy in a marriage. It is important for each partner to talk about these issues. It’s OK to state what you would like to see as far as sex goes in the marriage. Once those things are said, try to then consider what your partner has said and consider his needs and how you can accommodate and respect them. Communication is extremely important in this area, and it will need to be an ongoing discussion.
5. Only considering the quirks and mannerisms about your partner that bother you, and not the things you are doing that may be bothering your partner.
I cannot tell you how many couples’ sessions start with “He does this” or “She does that.” These statements usually go on to describe some behavior or personality trait that drives the other person crazy. Instead of focusing on what the other person is doing, I encourage both partners to focus more on their own behaviors, particularly those that irk the other person. I don’t ask people to change who they are, but I do ask that they become more self-aware and willing to make adjustments to make the relationship better.
The very best thing about going on vacation is chilling in a pristine hotel bed. The feeling of being swaddled in white sheets sends our senses directly to relaxation mode.
Why do we love beds so much?
Well, for starters, we spend roughly 26 years of our lives asleep. It’s only natural our original bae was bed.
Still, we should stop and think about what we’re spending so much time lying on. Our beds are cesspools of filth, no matter how often we wash the sheets.
Believe it or not, the number one culprit behind bedhead and bad skin is the pillow.
Bugs call your pillow home.
Here’s a fun little stat to share on your next Bumble date.
According to Arthur Tucker, principal clinical scientist at St. Bart’s and the London Hospitals, over a third of your pillow’s weight is comprised of dust mites, dead skin and bugs.
What’s worse, these gross things live inside of the pillow.
Body temperature makes pillows the perfect place for bugs to Netflix and chill, especially when we sleep on top of them all night.
Plus, pillows cause wrinkles.
How many times do you find yourself waking up with your face planted into your pillow? Turns out, that can contribute to your wrinkles.
Joshua Zeichner, director of cosmetics and clinical research at Mt. Sinai Hospital told Allure that, “Anecdotally, I see patients with more wrinkles and general flattening on the side of their face that they sleep on.”
Zeichner suggests sleeping on your back, as that’s the best option for combatting aging.
A cotton case is a terrible idea.
A cotton pillowcase strips moisture from your locks, making them dry and frizzy.
Your best bet is a satin pillowcase. Sure, it’s not as fluffy, but it’s way nicer on your hair. Because satin is so smooth, your hair won’t get tangled if you’re lying against it.
Cotton also creases your skin, giving you that oh-so-sexy cheek crease when you wake up. Satin will help you avoid that kind of overnight “tattoo.”
And it could be behind those weird pimples.
Did you know your phone is straight up the dirtiest thing you own?
Studies show your phone can be a key contributor to your acne. A horrifying combination of oil, makeup and bacteria is constantly pressed up against your skin.
Do you think your pillow is any better?
It only makes sense pillows are just as f*cked up as phones. After all, they’re squished against your face during the few hours you’re not using your iPhone.
Try changing your pillowcase as often as you can.
That bald patch? Blame your pillow.
Your hair rubs against your pillow as you sleep, right? That’s not a good thing.
According to American Hair Loss Association, the contact point at the back of your head is prime territory for bald spots.
Try using a silk pillowcase, as it reduces the amount of friction to your follicles.
The scars are internal.
When it comes to abusive relationships, it isn't always just physical abuse. While this isn't meant to detract from the issue of domestic abuse that far too many women have suffered (and still suffer), it's to address the fact that emotional abuse can be just as damaging, but in completely different ways.
When you're in an emotionally abusive relationship, it's not always noticeable right away. You don't bear the bruises of a physical attack, but you're still scarred in many ways, and that scarring leaves an imprint that can affect every future relationship.
It's hard to love again after you've been manipulated, put down, controlled, belittled, and made to feel worthless by someone who was supposed to love you and care about you.
As someone who's been emotionally abused in the past and can now clearly see it, I'm also able to see how it changed my idea of relationships and my approach to love. Here are seven ways those of us who have been emotionally abused love differently:
1. We keep our distance longer than most.
Even if we think we're really into you, we're going to keep our distance. We'll keep you at arm's length, might not text you back immediately, and definitely won't want to spend too much time with you. We just don't want to get too close.
2. We play it close to the chest.
After you've been emotionally abused, being able to open up freely is painful. We don't want to put ourselves in a vulnerable situation again and when you open up about yourself, that's exactly what you're doing. You're exposing the bits and pieces of you that all of a sudden make you a target. For us, it's safer if we just keep some things to ourselves.
3. We take it slow.
I don't mean just physically slow, but emotionally and mentally slow. Like a wounded puppy, it's hard not to proceed with caution. It's just an instinctual way of protecting ourselves from further harm.
4. We're overly-suspicious.
When you've been with someone who's put you down over and over — saying you're no good and are worthless — you just can't help but wonder why anyone would want to be into you ever again. If you tell us you love us and we look at you weird, it's not that the feeling isn't mutual; rather, we're still a bit unclear as to what about us might be appealing or lovable to someone else.
5. We're hesitant about getting to know the people in your life.
When you start to get to know the friends and family of the person you're in a relationship with, it means things are getting serious. It also means that your lives are becoming more and more intertwined. It can feel a bit scary, so we proceed with caution.
6. We're affectionate, but on our own terms.
When I first met my husband, he was baffled by how little affection I gave him. Even at the height of our love, I had to be affectionate on my own terms. If he cuddled up to me, sometimes I'd pull away. It wasn't that I didn't want to be close to him, but after the relationship before where affection was so minimal, it took me a long time to learn how to cuddle again and to enjoy it.
7. We assume the worst (but hope for the best).
When you've been mistreated by someone you love, you automatically build up a wall around your heart. You become guarded, protective, and you hand out your love in pieces, bit by bit. Because this is the case, we naturally assume that things won't last or that we'll be hurt again.
Of course, we hope it won't be reminiscent of the past, but we do assume the worst longer than most. It's simply a coping mechanism, and one that works for many of us.